Bikini warfare

Oh! Well it's been nearly twelve hours since I last blogged, and I haven't even written anything this year, so here we go.

Fairly sure I saw this style today.
If it was BF-friendly, I possibly
could have bought it.

If you know me in real life (and the internet is basically real life, yeah?) I love to stir people. I tell people I do random, unbelievable (as in they don't believe I did it, rather than it is being unbelievably awesome, or amazing, etc) things for fun, either because I did do them, or I am gauging their response.

One of my favourite things to do recently was to go to the Small M Facebook page and see all the complaints people made, and to see the responses. Sometimes I comment, but mostly I laugh and point out the complaints to other people. Don't get me wrong, some complaints are justified, but some are hilariously silly, like 'I bought a packet of 50 Christmas cards for 20c and I only got 47'.

Well, my friends, now it is my turn to complain. Today being a public holiday meant that The Man was home and so I told him I wanted to go to the pool, for Buddy's first swim, and to see if Honey can in fact still swim after no swim lessons since just before Buddy hatched. It turns out that I overestimated Honey's swim expertise, but that is a story for another time.

Before I could go swimming I needed bathers as my old ones were transparent from doing preggy lady swimming classes for exercise. So off I went to Medium E which every year has a range of swimwear separates, so if I want a string bikini, I can get one, but if for some reason I want to cover up (like, perhaps I have killer stretchmarks from being pregnant with a giant baby and just generally wouldn't want to subject the swimmers of Bendigo to my floppy white flesh) I could sort bathers out for that too.

Maybe I need to walk around with my
hands above my head to make the bikini
look good, but this is impractical with the
midgets.

Hmmm... THIS season, they have either black old-lady one-piece swimsuits which doesn't work for me, because I need ready access to the top half to feed Buddy (who when he wants food, he wants it NOW) and a one-piece either will strangle the bosoms, or mean I have to sit there naked from the waist up.


Where was I?


Oh yes, and then if I don't want a black one-piece, I can choose from string bikinis, which come in some amazing colours and patterns and DO come in my dress size, but only if my boobs deflated significantly.

So now I do have a real reason to write a complaint on their Facebook page, as I'm sure I'm not the only person (new mother or otherwise) who wants or needs swimwear, but just don't want to wear a strategically planned piece of string and postage-stamp sized patches of fabric. Or do want to wear one, but is dissuaded from doing so by friends, family and random strangers. And in some cases, the law.


I'm still thinking about writing a message on their page. If I do, will you come and comment on it?